A Welcomed Goodbye

Today, I say goodbye to feeling sorry for myself. I say goodbye to sitting on the couch and saying "I'm too fat" whilst I eat another chocolate. I say goodbye to obsessing over food and making myself feel bad every time I look in the mirror or get dressed to go outside.

Today I say goodbye to yoyo dieting. 


And bloody good riddance too! I'm always doing really well on a diet and then falling off the band wagon into a river of crisps and take away's and I'm not doing it anymore. Every time I do relapse into old eating habits it is admittedly, a little less bad than the last relapse but that's not the point. The point is that I really want to be healthy.

The thought began to reoccur when I was eating take-away (of course) and I thought, "what the heck is actually in this? I'd never give this to my little girl." and it's true, I wouldn't. I feed my daughter healthy, freshly prepared meals and fruit for snacks and yogurts for pudding. Obviously she has a few treats and when she's with grandparents and aunts and uncles it's only fair I allow them to spoil her; but at home, I really do try to keep her healthy. All the junk food I unload into my own body only comes into eye view once she's in bed. I thought to myself, if I wouldn't put this garbage into my daughters system then why am I putting it into my own? Sure, I don't love myself as much as I love my daughter but surely I owe it to her to keep her primary care givers (including daddy - hi daddy if you're reading!) healthy? And what kind of a lesson am I teaching her sneaky away unhealthy foods whilst she's not looking?! a TERRIBLE lesson.

Now, I'm obviously not talking a self tyranny of only allowing myself fruit and vegetables and forbidding all my favorite treats - lets be realistic here, that would never work and would of course lead to a yoyo diet system. I'm talking about a healthy balanced system of eating. As the beloved Doc McStuffin advises "It might taste great, but treat it like a treat." I like to eat, obviously, and eat I shall! but in moderation.

Now, finally, I'd like to clear up that this is not a betrayal to my plus sized pride. Not at all. I will always be plus sized proud and I will probably always be plus sized. What matters is that you are HEALTHY and HAPPY. I'm not happy and I'm making a change. That's a positive movement. One should not hate a plus sized figure, plus sized women should feel confident in themselves but if you are getting to a point were you feeling unhealthy it's time to make a change.

This is me six years ago and that's a girl I really miss. I was plus sized then, but I was comfortable with the shape that I was and I was extremely confident in the fact that I was healthy. I was very active, I ate my fruit and vegetables and I even indulged in treats from time to time. I was happy and content in myself. Sure, your body changes as you become a mum and I accept that but I'm proud of my stretch marks and slightly altered shape (and delighted in the boob alteration) but I don't feel as healthy as I could be and that's the problem.

Goobye yoyo diets and ineffective self pity.

hello healthy living.

LIEBSTER AWARD

Thank you to http://www.4under4madness.co.uk/ for nominating me for this award! I am in no way technical but am going to try my very best to do this right! This is about getting to know bloggers so even though I don't know how to hyperlink a name like the cool kids please use the link above to read the blog! (it really is very good)

Here are the questions set for me!

1. What’s your blog all about?
Parenting from the perspective of a mother and less so about tips and child care. I try to write about being a mother as that is so important to me, but I'll also do the odd post about feminism or fashion or other things I am interested in. I want to make the point that whilst becoming a mother is significant and wonderful, you still remain a woman with your own interests. 
2. If you could interview one famous person for your blog, who would it be?
I am umming and aahhhing so bad, I actually have no idea. All I can think of are Disney Jr and Nick Jr characters.
3. What’s your greatest achievement?
My little girl and my studying
4. How do you spend your weekends?
Weekends? What are weekends? I actually just spelt weekends as weekings. That says it all. 
5. What’s your favourite day of the week and why?
Monday - I get at least half an hour of "fresh week, fresh start, fresh me" before I dip my hands in the biscuit box.
6. Where’s your ultimate holiday destination?
Disney world Florida! Went when I was like two years old and remember none of it... and I have an excuse to go with a baby now!!!! One day, eh?!!!! 
7. Who would be your 3 perfect dinner party guests?
Same issue as question two. 
8. What’s your favourite song and why?
Everybody is Free to Wear Sunscreen - Baz Luhrman.
Most positive and helpful song I have ever heard. Always gets me out of a rough patch.
9. If you could have any superpower what would it be?
I would read minds.
10. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Hopefully teaching primary school kids and expecting kiddo numero two.
11. Why did you start blogging?
To connect with other people and talk talk talk.

Now I have to nominate people!!! 

http://tantrumsandglitter.blogspot.co.uk/happymamasecrets.com
mymummylikes.com
theloveofacaptain.wordpress.com
moderndadpages.com
http://nipperandtyke.wordpress.com 

Here are the rules for all those taking part:

1. Acknowledge and thank the person that nominated you.
2. Use an award image to add to the post.
3. Answer 11 questions given to you
4. Nominate up to 11 blogs
5. Don’t forget to let them know!
6. Give them 11 questions to answer.

My questions for you are:

1. Are you happy to be nominated?
2. What makes a good blog?
3. Why did you start blogging?
4. You have three wishes, what are they?
5. Whats your favorite colour and why?
6. If you were an animal, what would you be?
7. How terrible are my questions?
8. Do you think your questions will be better?
9. Why did you pick your blog username?
10. Do you like trains?
11. What is your favorite season? 

The Mummy Myth

When I was pregnant with my little one I thought that on her arrival I would instantly be knighted into the "mummy club" and turn into some funky version of Mary Poppins. I had images of myself sat in a coffee shop surrounded by fellow mummies kitted out with our posh prams, sleeping babies and extra cheesy smiles - a bit like Sex and the City without the cosmopolitans. I thought that I'd gotten so used to pregnancy insomnia that the night feeds would be a breeze and I was more than excited to shed hundreds of pounds through breast feeding.

She's nearly two and I'm still waiting for any of that to happen.

You see, my problem was that I wanted my baby SO very much I had this huge romanticized ideal of it all. I was that person who took the conception vitamins, who drank a pint of milk a day to boost fertility and ate foods I hated and avoided those I loved because some wacky made up website told me I'd get pregnant. I was that person who whilst I was pregnant wouldn't touch anything on the forbidden list, who checked for blood every time I went for a wee and forced the infirmary into an early scan out of fear. I read and read parenting books (I even took notes and memorized them as if I was sitting some kind of test) and thought all the mummies in the streets made it look so easy. After such desperation and studying, I couldn't believe my experience as a mother would be anything but easy.

But it wasn't so easy. It wasn't easy at all. My anxieties over my babies welfare did not vanish with pregnancy. The parenting books were seriously a waste of my time. I didn't have a single fellow mummy as a friend and as for the coffee shop, my baby was lucky if we made it into the yard. I was tired. I cried. A lot. I ate. A lot. I stressed. A lot. I still stress - A LOT. I certainly was/am no Mary Poppins.

Parenting does not come naturally to me. It's something I welcome with open arms and love to do more than anything but I really don't always find it easy. And I'm here today to say that's okay. It's okay if I don't live up to some made up ideal perfect mother figure... I mean seriously, if I gave my daughter a spoon full of sugar every time she needed medicine I think the dentist and the authorities would have something to say about it.

I might struggle to get out and about sometimes and I might have only just after almost two years braved playgroup and started to meet other mummies, but I really really seriously care about, love and try my best for my daughter and THAT'S what makes me super mum. THAT'S what matters to my daughter.

That ideal version of "mum" is a myth. Some may find it easier than others but at the end of the day we're all just people stumbling about and making it up as we go along. I think sometimes people think I'm mad when I say I want a huge bustling family full of kids and I'll admit cats. I want four children (three if you're reading, my lovely partner) because although I get stressed out and upset from time to time, all this struggling is actually strangely what makes me happy. Some nights when my little baba is in bed fast asleep I'll admit I enjoy the silence, but other times when baby's asleep and hubby to be's at work... I feel... lost.

Being mummy very well may not have come naturally to me, but it certainly has become me. I am my own unique version of mum and so are any mums reading this. There is no perfect mother, we are just mothers in our own special way with our own matching special babies.

Dear Overwhelmed Mummy

Dear Overwhelmed Mummy,

Please stop worrying and give yourself a break. It's okay to struggle and feel tired. It's okay to need a break. It doesn't make you a bad mother -  it makes you human. Stop beating yourself up. The very fact you keep trying makes you a perfect mummy. It makes you the best mummy in the world and though your child may shout and scream and pull your hair... They think that you are amazing. I promise.

Please stop comparing yourself to everyone else. So, you're in your dressing gown with greasy hair and a noisy baby with a drenched bib and spaghetti stained face whilst super-mum across the road is immaculately dressed complete with full face of make-up and a squeaky clean silent cherub. It's all appearances. Super-mum secretly struggles from time to time too. Your baby may be paddying now whilst you question "how does that super-mum do it?!" But... their little one will paddy soon and they'll ask the same of you.

Please stop worrying what everyone thinks about you. Nobody is judging you. Sometimes it feels like they are, but that's only because you are judging yourself. So, your little kiddo just screamed at the top of their lungs and frightened an old lady, life goes on, the world keeps spinning. It doesn't matter.

Please know that you are doing a fantastic job. From all the way over here through this computer screen I know that you definitely are. You should be proud of yourself.

I promise that tomorrow will be a better day.

Love from Overwhelmed Mummy.

Five Misconceptions about Feminism

When did being a feminist become a bad thing? Feminism seems to be the butt of the internet's jokes just recently and it can feel that my loud and proud confessions of being a feminist seem to met with one huge eye roll from a society that just doesn't understand. No, I don't laugh at the ridiculous jokes that I should be in the kitchen making a sandwich, and yes... I did make my partner stay up with me and do the night feeds (even when I breast fed for moral support) and no... that doesn't make me uptight nor does it make me a bitch. Feminism just lately seems laced with negative connotation after negative connotation and today, I hope to clear some of that up and pave way for us feminists.

1) FEMINISTS DO NOT HATE MEN.

If you're claiming to be a feminist whilst claiming all men are useless/stupid/inferior then go home and do your research. Feminism is defined in the Oxford Dictionary as "the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of EQUALITY OF THE SEXES." Equality of the sexes, not female supremacy. Feminists argue women are equal in all circumstances to men. Attributes depend on the individual as a person and not on gender. 

2) FEMINISM IS NOT TELLING YOU HOW TO LIVE YOUR LIFE 

If anything, feminism is about choice not dictatorship. Feminists should not outline a certain lifestyle as desirable and downgrade all other lifestyles - that's just another form of control. Feminists should not slut-shame, or size-shame, or any-shame, we should ensure all genders have the right to choose a lifestyle and that an individual is not objectified by another individual on the grounds of gender or vulnerability. If you are promiscuous by choice that's fine, just as it's perfectly okay to wait till you are married and be a stay at home mum with dinner on the table for your husband by five o'clock. What's important is that you have the right to choose. 

3) ANYONE CAN BE A FEMINIST 

There's a definite stereotype/misconception that all feminists are clean faced, vegan, butch women with hairy legs and brief cases. Not true. It's fine not to work make-up, to not eat animal produce, to be butch and not shave your legs. Of course it is, and I'm not mocking any of the choices, I'm just explaining that you don't have to live up to that stereotype to be a feminist. You can be a feminist and a house wife, I LOVE my make-up and I love dressing up. You can even be a man. You just have to believe in equality of the sexes. 

4) FEMINISM IS STILL NECESSARY 

Sexism is still very much alive in today's society - just because masses of progress has been made it does not mean the issue is resolved. Just look at maternity leave vs paternity leave. Women are not naturally more nurturing than men, we're just brought up to behave in such a way and as we're with the baby longer than the dad of course we take to parenting and bonding with more easily - poor dad doesn't get as much opportunity. An example of sexism in my life is that several people told me I would not be able to do a university degree as well as raising a baby; whereas nobody said this to my partner - he was just congratulated on both accounts. It's discreet sexism but it is still sexism. Sexism is rife in the work place even with wages still being lower for women in some work places. There are far more serious needs for feminism across the globe too, but I really don't have the time to outline them all. A quick google will definitely inform you of why sexism is very much still alive and kicking. 

5) FEMINISM IS DEFINITELY RELEVANT TO YOUR LIFE

Some people brush of feminism as not necessary to them. They're happy with the way things are in their life so why bother? This is the society our children are growing up in and circumstances can change in an instance. Equality is relevant to everyone no matter what gender, age, race or religion you may be. People are subject to sexism every day; it's just so ingrained you don't always see it. Sexism affects everyone - even men. The feminism movement for the vote included the working-class male vote. We want equality. Equality of parenting, working, pay, lifestyle etc. I want my partner to be entitled to just as much parenting as I am, just as I want to be entitled to just as much freedom as him. 

Feminism is relevant and necessary. We need it and it needs to be understood. 

Five reasons you and your toddler need a cat

Cats generally get bad press when it comes to babies. Of course there's the obvious issues:- don't let you cat in your baby's cot (or even room if you want to be really safe), you probably have to vacuum a little more often than none petted families and don't let your child pull kitties tail, ear or eyes and no booboos should surface! 

But the work that goes into caring for you little buddy really is worth and here is why:- 

1) Mobility instructor! My cat legitimately motivated and taught my baby to crawl. How else would she catch the nifty buggers as they fled away from her sticky  snatching hands?!?! 

2) Built in vacuum cleaner! My personal favourite... Is your toddler a food thrower?!?! Then perhaps a cat is for you! (I do clean aswell, I promise) 

3) Extremely effective pacifier. "What do you want? Why are you paddying? Your fed, clean, have your dummy?!?! Erm erm have a cat!" 

4) Sharings caring! My little one is an only child, however, not too bad at sharing toys with the cats... Sometimes... They've taught her to play with and interact with others. (Even if there is the odd meow in conversation.... Oh dear) 

5) After a hard day of probably being shouted at and wrestled by a toddler, there's no antidepressant like a cat pile on!!! 

Cats really are the perfect companion to your ready made family. 

But remember, a cat is for life, not just a blog post. 

Fashion and Self Confidence for the Every Day Woman

So, I intend for my blog to take on themes surrounding fashion (99.9% of this concerned with plus size) and parenting as those are two of my favorite things. I knew that today I wanted to focus on the fashion element but I wasn't sure what I wanted to say.(As if I could kid anyone I know what I'm talking about!) I took a bunch of pictures of myself in some of my most loved and newest clothes and thought I would take it from there.

It was a difficult process to say the least.

Not only am I in no way model material, nor can I work photoshop or even have a decent camera to trick the light or whatever the usual model does; I have NEVER (since I gained the weight) taken a body length picture of myself to share on the internet. Heck, I've never taken a full body length picture of myself to share with myself!!!!!

I hated the first few pictures. Hated them. I changed back into my pyjamas and swore the whole blog was over. Dramatic, me? Never. I beat myself up with questions. Tess Holliday absolutely rocks a crop trop, she's sexy as hell and she's bigger than I am! Why oh why, can't I pull off a simple top and leggings?! Then my partner (bless him, putting up with me) gave me the answer :- confidence. She's sexy because she tells the world "I am sexy and eff you, if you think otherwise!" Not only that, but I was also comparing myself to how the women online looked in the clothes that I ordered - who, let me tell you, are very rarely over a size 14 and are masters of funky lighting cameras and photoshop! So here are the pictures I liked and am braving sharing......

I feel (you may totally disagree with me here) that these clothes look good on me because I look happy to be wearing them. In the same way, a crop top would not look good on me because I would feel uncomfortable to be wearing it and that would be visible. I accepted that my stomach is bigger at the bottom, that I have big boobs and I dressed to accentuate this shape.

I also love these clothes because they are easy. Nothing is more annoying than chasing after a toddler with spanx making you sweat an ocean as they ride right up your backside. You might feel slimmer (you might be burning the extra calories to become slimmer in that heat!) but it doesn't feel sexy and being a mother it IS important to still feel womanly and good about yourself. These are just simple tops and leggings (okay and one skirt) to pull on in the midst of teeth brushing, cereal pouring and the wrestling that ensues (better known as dressing your toddler) and I feel ace.

I guess my fashion advice is to love yourself, to dress for yourself, to not compare yourself to others and try to instill the confidence in yourself to wear anything. Trust me, I know it's easier said than done, but that's no excuse not to try.

If you DID somehow happen to like the clothes I've chosen, everything in these images is from yoursclothing.co.uk and this is how they look on a UK size 20, 5"8 with no photoshop, no special lighting, no spanx or shapewear, not a full face of make up and not even matching socks. (Who has time to match socks anyways......) Just your average plus sized mummy.

The Ten Stages of My Day Resulting in the Usual "New Me" Manifesto

STAGE ONE

Entire family woken up by a possessed cat scraping at my bed and then toddlers door in a desperate attempt to get an early breakfast. (He should be so lucky.) When that failed, said cat took to eating my actual hair for breakfast... or perhaps he was just flossing? Either way, cat won. Early morning for Tummy family.
Bridget Jones, you may not get eaten by the Alsatians once you find your Mr Darcy, but do watch out for the cats.

STAGE TWO

Frantically run around the house trying to clean up in the very short time it takes my one year old to eat her cereal whilst strapped in high chair. This is a frustrating game I play every breakfast and tea time. I never win. Today my partner and I come close to completing the task. Toddler Tummy rewards us by covering the house in cereal.

STAGE THREE

Repeat stage two with toddler unstrapped and running free across the living room miowing like a crazy cat. I know, I know, I shouldn't be leaving language lessons to the animals.... But I really am very busy.

STAGE FOUR

REJOICE! rewarded with some unusual alone time to buy myself some new clothes. Perhaps I can feel like a fashionista again!!!!

STAGE FIVE

Go around the entirety of stores to find nothing fits. The joys of being plus size.

STAGE SIX

Repeat stage five.

STAGE SEVEN

Eat a cookie.

STAGE EIGHT

Wage war on low self esteem and create diet plan. Feed the toddler grapes as proof of our new found health regime.

STAGE NINE

Eat freshly made spag bol. No frozen convenience food or chips in sight!

STAGE TEN

Set up a blog!!!!!


All in a days work. Here's to the new me!! Waging war on negative thoughts in my life, making light of life, sharing my stories.
This whole healthy living can't be that bad if it results in this face....

Besides, if I brush my teeth at 7pm, I can't snack after.. or else.... I'd have to brush them again! SHEESH!

The Beginning

It struck me one day when I had actually taken courage and left my house, that on the outside everyone looks like they have their shit together. I was asking myself what secret everybody was keeping from me when it hit me.  

Their lives are probably just as crazy as mine, they're just really good at hiding it.
Well... I'm no Stepford Wife. I try to look glam, but most days my hair is frizzy, my face spotty and my top normally has some sort of sticky one year old hand print that I've missed. I lose my temper with my partner. When I bake, it usually looks like a crime scene. (I honestly set my microwave alight once making a jacket potato... Oherr....)  I can't stop eating even though I whinge about my weight. I do try to be healthy but sometimes I really can't help but give in to those disappointing yet enticing Peppa Pig cookies sat in my cupboard.
And I'm not covering that up anymore. Not only am I not covering it up but I'm going to tell the whole interneting world all about it. (Or at least the one unlucky so and so who happens to come across this page.)
Surely.... Someone else out there is like me?